cutesypastafandomcom-20200213-history
Charmy.exe
Charmy.exe is a Cutesypasta about a strange Sonic game CD that could be either glitchy, hacked or possibly made by someone (or "something") other than SEGA... The Pasta I'm a total Sonic the Hedgehog fan, much like everyone else in the increasingly shrinking, insular, porn-saturated, argumentative, immature, detatched and over-sensitive Sonic fanbase. Thanks to Stockholm Syndrome, I like the newer games, but I don't mind playing the classics, because at least you don't fall through the floor at random. I don't think I've ever played glitchy or hacked games before (though I have played several unfinished ones that got released anyway), but I have a newfound respect for the ROM hacking and game modification community after the experience I had... It started on a nice summer afternoon, I was playing Sonic 2006 (I liked how exploring the large, bland and repetitive towns was mandatory, because that's what I play Sonic for) until I noticed, out of my peripheral vision, that the mailman had arrived, put something in my mailbox and left. The mailman... deliering mail? What was this malarkey? I paused my game to go see what I got in the mail... The only thing in the mailbox was a CD case for computers and a note. I took it inside, as opposed to leaving it in the mailbox for vagrants, thieves and birds looking for nesting material. I looked at the note first and realized it was from my dear friend Kyle (I can never reveal his real name or address) whom I hadn't heard from in two weeks. What was weird about Kyle's writing was how weird it looked; it looked weird and somewhat difficult to read, as if Kyle was deeply annoyed and had better things to do than mail his friends CD-R's. This is what he wrote... "Tom, Stop pestering me for hacked ROMs and learn to use an IPS patcher already, it's not that hard. Also, you realize getting me to mail you hacked games means they're more likely to be noticed than if I just emailed them, don't you? PS. You're an asshole. Franklin Weatherbee, 29 Acacia Road, Burbank CA" What did Kyle mean? I looked at the disc and it looked like any ordinary computer CD-R disc. Yep, definitely a disc. Written on it in black marker was "CHARMY.EXE", and it was much unlike Kyle's handwriting, meaning that he must've gotten it from someone else... someone too lazy to make labels. When I saw "CHARMY" on the writing of the CD, I was excited and wanted to play it, since I'm a a BIG Charmy Bee fan, and not just because of my weight. I went up to my room and turned on my computer and put the disc in and installed the game (it's important that you know every single step I took, in case you thought I opened the mail in my room or something, which would ruin the narrative flow entirely). When the title screen popped up, I noticed that it was the first Sonic game, but with Charmy Bee's face! When I pressed start, there was a split second when I saw the title image turn into something much different, something that I now consider adorable, before cutting to black. I remember what the image looked like in that split second before the game cut to black; The sky was full of pink blossoms, the title emblem was fluffy and pale yellow, the SEGA 1991 was now instead SEGA <3, and the water had turned pink, like lemonade, except it looked hyper-realistic. But the cutest thing that was in that split second frame was Charmy, he was looking RIGHT AT ME, smiling pleasantly and offering me a hyper-realistic strawberry muffin. I was rather disturbed about that image when I saw it, because the muffin looked like it had a lot of calories, and I'm trying to cut down. After giving in and bingeing at Starbucks, I noticed the game had the save file select from Sonic 3, but something was off: The background music had been replaced with the bonus game theme from Super Mario World, only it was extended and seemed even jollier. I selected a save file, and that's when things got really strange... The screen faded in and the level title vanished, revealing Charmy in the Green Hill Zone from Sonic 1, but the music sounded different, like it had been remastered and encoded at a much higher quality. Anyway, I started playing and had Charmy start running like you would in the classic and fondly-remembered Knuckles Chaotix, but what was odd was that as Charmy was running along the level there were no enemies, all the spikes had been removed and it was full of happy animals who had avoided being trapped in robots. But here's what really freaked this smart gamer out: At the end of the level, the screen stopped scrolling as usual, but instead of just disappearing off the side of the screen, Charmy moved out of the window and on to my desktop! I was too shocked to move as he buzzed on to the Murderbot 5000 icon (which is what I call My Computer, because I have a zany sense of random-access humor XD) and a message appeared: DEFRAGMENTING 10% DEFRAGMENTING 13% DEFRAGMENTING 22% I could do nothing but watch as that helpful bee defragmented my hard drive in record time. My computer runs great now, and is totally free of viruses. ...I just wish I could stop waking up with rope-burns on my wrists. Nothing to do with Charmy, I just... I wish it didn't happen. Thanks a bunch, haunted Pokemon cartridge *rolleyes* Category:Video Games Category:Sonic the Hedgehog Category:Hyper-Realism